As one might imagine, there is no clear and easy answer to this age-old question. The bottom line is to try to figure out whether the children would be better off in a home where mom and dad are unhappy together but keeping the family intact or in two homes where mom and dad are happier but just not together.
The Risks of Staying Together
A number of parenting experts see one of the major risks to children of staying in a family that is loaded with anger, frustration, and pain is that they learn bad parenting skills that they will carry on to the next generation.
In addition, some children may be at risk of neglect when parents are so wrapped up in their own issues.
If parents can't live together in the same home without working effectively together as co-parents, and if that co-parenting would be better served living in different homes that may be one indication that divorce would be a better option.
The Value of Staying Together
If mom and dad can remain civil and work together to parent, even if they are sad or lonely, and can avoid exposing the children to fights and squabbles, then co-parenting under the same roof is better.
And while parenting clearly is a sacrifice of one's self for one's children, living in a miserable marriage for ten or more years can be quite a bit to ask.
How to Decide?
Is there abuse?
Children should not be kept in a family where there is continuing the abuse of any kind. Divorce should result if a child is living with a parent who is abusing them sexually, physically or emotionally.
While it is clear that abusive behavior can be changed and corrected, it is also clear that such changes are infrequent. When behavior is not changing, children are better off to be protected from abuse.
Can the parents cooperate?
If the parents have the maturity level needed to put the children first, to co-parent positively and to keep their personal differences at bay for the sake of the kids, they will have an advantage if mom and dad stay together. If not, the kids may be better served through an amicable divorce.
If Divorce Becomes Inevitable
The key challenge is making sure that both mother and father can work together for the sake of the children in parenting them effectively.
Such an attitude and commitment make the process of divorce a bit less painful and a little more conducive to raising successful children.
(PschologyToday)
